biguglymandoll (biguglymandoll) wrote,
biguglymandoll
biguglymandoll

On The Topic Of Dating My Daughters

Originally published at Big Ugly Man Doll. Please leave any comments there.

I want to preface this with a note that I was hoping not to have any part of this conversation with any of my kids for a long, long time.  Posthumously would have been fine.  But then, if I’d really not wanted to engage in this kind of conversation, I shouldn’t have let them watch Joan Rivers.

 

Reigning Queen of Pink:  “Mommy, what’s ‘gay’?”

Spouse of the Big Ugly Man Doll:  “That means that a man prefers dating other men instead of women; or, for women, that they prefer dating women.”

RQoP:  “I’m a lesbian.”

SOBUMD:  [Spits her wine]  “What?”

RQoP:  “I think boys are icky, so I’m a lesbian.”

SOBUMD:  “You’re 8 years old.  You’re *supposed* to think boys are icky at your age – and you’re right, 8-year-old boys *are* icky.  When you get older, old enough to date, then you can decide if you’re a lesbian.  Everyone is different.”

Big Ugly Man Doll:  “RQoP, you see, everyone is a little of everything – it’s just a matter of degree.  For example, I’m 93 percent attracted to women, 5 percent attracted to men, 2 percent attracted to goats and sheep, and 100 percent attracted to Mommy.”

Human Tape Recorder:  “So, you’re a Mommysexual?”

BUMD:  “Shut up, kid, and stop eavesdropping next to our door.” 

HTR:  “Duh, stop making so much noise!”

RQoP:  “So when can I be a lesbian?”

BUMD:  “Not until you’re 30.   Daddy’s very gender-neutral about this, you’re not dating anyone until you’re 30, male or female, two legs or four.  My little girls aren’t dating ANYTHING until they’re 30.”

SOBUMD:  “He means 13.”

BUMD:  “Thirty.”

SOBUMD:  “Thirteen.”

BUMD:  “Twenty-nine, and that’s my final offer.”

 

Yeah, posthumously would have been the better bet.

Tags: children, parenting, reigning queen of pink, sobumd
Subscribe

  • It’s Always the Pangolins With You People

    Originally published at Big Ugly Man Doll. You can comment here or there. Wu Yuanbin said that regarding the South China Agricultural…

  • Farewell to the Decade

    Originally published at Big Ugly Man Doll. You can comment here or there. Twenty Twenty. 24 hours to go, but even less than that now, and this…

  • I Have Some Reservations About Waiting

    Originally published at Big Ugly Man Doll. You can comment here or there. Saturday was a day. And by a day, I mean moving the Human Tape…

Comments for this post were disabled by the author