It’s Friday, and that means answer time! For those of you who have commented with questions from previous ManFAQs, thank you. I’m adding yours to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years, and I will answer them all in turn – to continue to demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler. Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong?
Question: How does the pee get on the outside of the toilet? He tells me he has good aim, but somehow we always get pee streaks running down the side of the toilet. Ugh, gross. So then of course he always tells me he “cleans” the toilet… But doesn’t clean that part, because he doesn’t know/realize that it’s there?
Answer: Now, we’ve discussed toilets here before, but let’s go into some detail on the mechanics. I’m going to start with something that you know, intellectually, but you may forget in the general case – we’re standing up. Many women I’ve talked to about urine – and you’d be surprised how often the topic comes up – tell me that they’ve never had the opportunity nor occasion to pee into a target (bowl, bucket, whathaveyou) while standing up. Or at least not while sober.
So, starting with “he’s standing up,” the next item is “getting started.” Have you ever started a car by stomping on the gas, only to find that the wheels were turned to the side? This happens to us. It’s not unlike targeting bullets using tracer rounds – you see where the first few salvos went and adjust fire accordingly. Sometimes we’re a little wider off the mark than we thought.
And then we come to “stopping.” Ever watched a garden hose go from all the way ON to all the way OFF? Right. There’s an old poem among men:
No matter how you shake it
no matter how you dance
those last few couple drops
always get on your pants.
That final trickle doesn’t always go where we think it did. It’s not that we don’t try, it’s just that we slept through that part of our Fluid Dynamics classes that day.
And finally – clean it up? Let’s face it, if he was actually cleaning the toilets you wouldn’t be writing to the ManFAQ. He might clean the top part that he can see (from above – remember, he’s standing above it, and anything outside his immediate field of view does not exist) if he knows you’re checking on him or that his mother’s coming for dinner, but other than that he probably doesn’t notice that you’ve cleaned them, or that they should be cleaned. To him, it’s the natural state of the toilet.
Now you know. Please, feel free to comment! Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at – biguglymandoll.com!