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February 3rd, 2008

Cookie Comes to Visit

Once upon a time there was a pre-kindergarten class that encouraged each student to bring home a stuffed bear of medium size. Each child was allowed to take Cookie, for that was this bear’s name, home on a Friday to return on the Monday. Cookie was so named because he (why are most bears assumed to be male?) carried a life-sized chocolate chip cookie at all times, being as how it had been sewn to his right paw. (That had to hurt.)

Let us take a moment to ensure the reader that only the cookie was life size, presumable since if it had been to scale with the bear, his name might have been Speck.

Our story will chronicle the highlights of the weekend during which Cookie left the warm and altogether safe confines of the preschool and ventured to the home of the 5-yr-old Reigning Queen of Pink, Duchess of Fluff, and High Protector of Barbies. Cookie, who has “been around the block with any number of clients” (his words), found himself emotionally unprepared for the onslaught of Barbies, and what he later described to this chronicler as “the unbearable pinkness of being.”

The Duchess of Fluff quickly decided that Cookie, who as guest of honor was being accorded rights usually reserved for visiting royalty, should eat at the table with Herself. Since one does not argue with those who rule by divine right, even if only over Barbies, this plan was enacted with the caveat that Cookie would only watch the food and not actually partake of it. “Thank Pooh she didn’t try to feed me,” said Cookie later that night, over a nightcap. “Some of the clients have gotten me so sticky, I needed an FDA nutrition label.”

After a restless night, Saturday morning brought no respite from the Pink Ones. “My buddies are never going to believe this. I’ve never been in the same bed with so many Barbies in my life!” exclaimed Cookie. “Just watching the sun rise over the mountains was mind-blowing. Although,” he added, “the headless ones were kind of creepy.”

Despite his lack of rest, the Queen of Pink kept Cookie hopping all day with tours of the upstairs, the downstairs, and the television. All went well until Cookie got an unexpected invitation to tour with the cat, Albus Dumbledore. “Man, that cat knows how to make an offer I can’t refuse,” said Cookie, rubbing some feeling back into his leg after we found him. “What’s that thing weigh, 20, 30 pounds? Dude, that’s not a housecat, it’s a puma. I’m surprised it’s not pink.” Keeping a close eye out for ferociously friendly felines, Cookie and the Reigning Queen of Pink, Duchess of Fluff, and High Protector of Barbies made their way together through games of horses (pink), houses (pink), snacks (pink), fairies (pink), and of course the ubiquitous Barbies. To ease the monochromotony, they watched the Human Sound Machine play his video game for a while. “This is a lot like watching professional football, but without the annoying need to pay attention to the time, the score, or the game,” Cookie said sportingly.

A momentary lapse of reason following dinner had led to the unsupervised ingestion of dessert, at which point the Reigning Queen of Pink decided that Cookie would have some pudding, after all. “Geez, I’ve gotta be worth at least 5 Weight Watchers Points now,” he muttered stickily. Once (somewhat) clean, the friends got back in bed, along with Ariel, Jasmine, Mulan, Aurora, Belle, Cinderella, and Snow White, plus a small host of Barbies whose names are known only to themselves and their High Protector. Cookie later claimed that he’d learned all their names that evening, but had forgotten them all by morning. (“Just like a bear,” said one Barbie the next day, speaking on condition of anonymity.)

The highlight of Cookie’s last day with the Reigning Queen of Pink, Duchess of Fluff, and High Protector of Barbies was accompanying Her Pinkness to the new Hanna Montana movie. “Wow,” commented Cookie after the show, “not only was that my first trip to a big theater, but there was all that saccharine and sticky stuff on the screen, without any Points! I didn’t even need a wash! It really IS the best of both worlds!” 




Yep, looks like another post from the Big, Ugly Man Doll!

Cookie Comes to Visit

Originally published at Big Ugly Man Doll. Please leave any comments there.

Once upon a time there was a pre-kindergarten class that encouraged each student to bring home a stuffed bear of medium size. Each child was allowed to take Cookie, for that was this bear’s name, home on a Friday to return on the Monday. Cookie was so named because he (why are most bears assumed to be male?) carried a life-sized chocolate chip cookie at all times, being as how it had been sewn to his right paw. (That had to hurt.)

Let us take a moment to ensure the reader that only the cookie was life size, presumable since if it had been to scale with the bear, his name might have been Speck.

Our story will chronicle the highlights of the weekend during which Cookie left the warm and altogether safe confines of the preschool and ventured to the home of the 5-yr-old Reigning Queen of Pink, Duchess of Fluff, and High Protector of Barbies. Cookie, who has “been around the block with any number of clients” (his words), found himself emotionally unprepared for the onslaught of Barbies, and what he later described to this chronicler as “the unbearable pinkness of being.”

The Duchess of Fluff quickly decided that Cookie, who as guest of honor was being accorded rights usually reserved for visiting royalty, should eat at the table with Herself. Since one does not argue with those who rule by divine right, even if only over Barbies, this plan was enacted with the caveat that Cookie would only watch the food and not actually partake of it. “Thank Pooh she didn’t try to feed me,” said Cookie later that night, over a nightcap. “Some of the clients have gotten me so sticky, I needed an FDA nutrition label.”

After a restless night, Saturday morning brought no respite from the Pink Ones. “My buddies are never going to believe this. I’ve never been in the same bed with so many Barbies in my life!” exclaimed Cookie. “Just watching the sun rise over the mountains was mind-blowing. Although,” he added, “the headless ones were kind of creepy.”

Despite his lack of rest, the Queen of Pink kept Cookie hopping all day with tours of the upstairs, the downstairs, and the television. All went well until Cookie got an unexpected invitation to tour with the cat, Albus Dumbledore. “Man, that cat knows how to make an offer I can’t refuse,” said Cookie, rubbing some feeling back into his leg after we found him. “What’s that thing weigh, 20, 30 pounds? Dude, that’s not a housecat, it’s a puma. I’m surprised it’s not pink.” Keeping a close eye out for ferociously friendly felines, Cookie and the Reigning Queen of Pink, Duchess of Fluff, and High Protector of Barbies made their way together through games of horses (pink), houses (pink), snacks (pink), fairies (pink), and of course the ubiquitous Barbies. To ease the monochromotony, they watched the Human Sound Machine play his video game for a while. “This is a lot like watching professional football, but without the annoying need to pay attention to the time, the score, or the game,” Cookie said sportingly.

A momentary lapse of reason following dinner had led to the unsupervised ingestion of dessert, at which point the Reigning Queen of Pink decided that Cookie would have some pudding, after all. “Geez, I’ve gotta be worth at least 5 Weight Watchers Points now,” he muttered stickily. Once (somewhat) clean, the friends got back in bed, along with Ariel, Jasmine, Mulan, Aurora, Belle, Cinderella, and Snow White, plus a small host of Barbies whose names are known only to themselves and their High Protector. Cookie later claimed that he’d learned all their names that evening, but had forgotten them all by morning. (“Just like a bear,” said one Barbie the next day, speaking on condition of anonymity.)

The highlight of Cookie’s last day with the Reigning Queen of Pink, Duchess of Fluff, and High Protector of Barbies was accompanying Her Pinkness to the new Hanna Montana movie. “Wow,” commented Cookie after the show, “not only was that my first trip to a big theater, but there was all that saccharine and sticky stuff on the screen, without any Points! I didn’t even need a wash! It really IS the best of both worlds!” 



Yep, looks like another post from the Big, Ugly Man Doll!