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September 13th, 2008

Genesis According to the Big Ugly Man Doll

A long time ago, it became necessary for me to explain the creation of the Universe.  Since there's a lot of concern these days about the Large Hadron Collider getting ramped up to collide us into a black hole, I decided to share with you, Gentle Reader, the true story of how the Universe got the way it is.  It's time you knew.

The void Was.  In perfect symmetry was the void.  Then, without warning or preamble, the space-time continuum Was, and the symmetry was broken, and the void Was Not. 

The continuum brought with it the quantum field, and thus the quantum field Became.  The continuum spun and grew, and the quantum field spun and grew with the continuum. 

Because the symmetry was broken, the continuum did not spin and grow evenly.  Because the continuum did not spin and grow evenly, the quantum field did not spin and grow evenly.  The continuum spun and stretched unevenly, and the quantum field became lumpy.  The quantum field started to clump together throughout the continuum.  The continuum continued to expand and spin and stretch. 

As this happened, without warning or preamble, some very few of the clumps in the quantum field started to duplicate themselves, and life Was.  The continuum continued to expand and spin and stretch.  As this happened, some very few of the self-replicating clumps in the quantum field became self-aware. 

This happened very slowly.
 
The continuum continued, and the living, self-aware clumps in the quantum field began to do interesting things.  They started to count, and math Was.  They started to name things, and language Was.  They started to rail against the parameters imposed upon them by the space-time continuum, and religion Was.  They became self-important, and politics Was. 

They started to use tools.  They manipulated non-living clumps in the quantum field to control the shape of other non-living clumps in the quantum field.  Their best three tools were math, language, and religion.  They used these tools to create stories.  They used these stories to create more math and more language and more religions.  This happened very slowly, and the continuum continued to expand and spin and stretch. 

As this happened, without warning or preamble, some very few of the self-replicating, self-aware clumps in the quantum field realized that they were self-replicating, self-aware clumps in the quantum field, drifting on the surface of the space-time continuum, in the face of the void, and intelligence Was.

Now you know.



Yep, looks like another post from the Big, Ugly Man Doll!

Genesis According to the Big Ugly Man Doll

Originally published at Big Ugly Man Doll. Please leave any comments there.

A long time ago, it became necessary for me to explain the creation of the Universe.  Since there’s a lot of concern these days about the Large Hadron Collider getting ramped up to collide us into a black hole, I decided to share with you, Gentle Reader, the true story of how the Universe got the way it is.  It’s time you knew.

The void Was.  In perfect symmetry was the void.  Then, without warning or preamble, the space-time continuum Was, and the symmetry was broken, and the void Was Not. 

The continuum brought with it the quantum field, and thus the quantum field Became.  The continuum spun and grew, and the quantum field spun and grew with the continuum. 

Because the symmetry was broken, the continuum did not spin and grow evenly.  Because the continuum did not spin and grow evenly, the quantum field did not spin and grow evenly.  The continuum spun and stretched unevenly, and the quantum field became lumpy.  The quantum field started to clump together throughout the continuum.  The continuum continued to expand and spin and stretch. 

As this happened, without warning or preamble, some very few of the clumps in the quantum field started to duplicate themselves, and life Was.  The continuum continued to expand and spin and stretch.  As this happened, some very few of the self-replicating clumps in the quantum field became self-aware. 

This happened very slowly.
 
The continuum continued, and the living, self-aware clumps in the quantum field began to do interesting things.  They started to count, and math Was.  They started to name things, and language Was.  They started to rail against the parameters imposed upon them by the space-time continuum, and religion Was.  They became self-important, and politics Was. 

They started to use tools.  They manipulated non-living clumps in the quantum field to control the shape of other non-living clumps in the quantum field.  Their best three tools were math, language, and religion.  They used these tools to create stories.  They used these stories to create more math and more language and more religions.  This happened very slowly, and the continuum continued to expand and spin and stretch. 

As this happened, without warning or preamble, some very few of the self-replicating, self-aware clumps in the quantum field realized that they were self-replicating, self-aware clumps in the quantum field, drifting on the surface of the space-time continuum, in the face of the void, and intelligence Was.

Now you know.

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Yep, looks like another post from the Big, Ugly Man Doll!