February 20th, 2009

Pumpkinhead

The Little Red Recovering Co-Dependant Hen

This needs some work, but....


One day as the Little Red Hen was scratching in a field, she found a grain of wheat.

 

"This wheat should be planted," she said. "Who will help me plant this grain of wheat?"

 

"Can’t you even plant a freaking grain of wheat by yourself?" said her asshole boyfriend.

"Is it difficult for you to see situations or individuals realistically?" said her therapist.

"You need to respect other peoples’ boundaries," said her mother.

 

"Then I’ll do it myself," said the Little Red Hen. And she did.

 

Soon the wheat grew to be tall and yellow.

 

"The wheat is ripe," said the Little Red Hen. "Who will help me cut the wheat?"

 

"Only if we’re going to smoke it," said her asshole boyfriend.

"You must learn to do these things for yourself," said her therapist.

"Put on a sweater if you’re going to be outside for long," said her mother.

 

"Then I’ll do it myself," said the Little Red Hen. And she did.

 

When the wheat was cut, the Little Red Hen said, "Who will help me thresh the wheat?"

 

"Why don’t you come over here and thresh my wheat," said her asshole boyfriend.

"Your parents were never married, were they?" said her therapist.

"Tell your therapist to shut his overpaid, overeducated mouth," said her mother.

 

"Then I’ll do it myself," said the Little Red Hen. And she did.

 

When the wheat was threshed, the Little Red Hen said, "Who will help me take this wheat to the mill?"

 

"Pick me up a six-pack while you’re out," said her asshole boyfriend.

"Did you MapQuest the directions?" said her mother. “Don’t forget the GPS.”

"Are you afraid of allowing other people to be who they are or of allowing events to happen naturally?" said her therapist.

 

"Then I’ll do it myself," said the Little Red Hen. And she did.

 

She took the wheat to the mill and had it ground into flour. Then she said, "Who will help me make this flour into bread?"

 

"Yeah, be out in just a minute hon," said her asshole boyfriend.

"Ohhh!" said her mother.

"You know you’re mother’s sleeping with your boyfriend while you’re out," said her therapist.

 

"Then I’ll do it myself," said the Little Red Hen. And she did.

 

She made and baked the bread. Then she said, "Who will help me eat this bread?"

 

"Oh! I will," said her asshole boyfriend.

"And I will," said her therapist.

"And I will," said her mother.

 

"You can all go screw yourselves!" said the Little Red Hen. "I’m outta here."  And she left, taking her bread with her. 

 

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Pumpkinhead

The Little Red Recovering Co-Dependant Hen

Originally published at Big Ugly Man Doll. Please leave any comments there.

This needs some work, but….

One day as the Little Red Hen was scratching in a field, she found a grain of wheat.

 

"This wheat should be planted," she said. "Who will help me plant this grain of wheat?"

 

"Can’t you even plant a freaking grain of wheat by yourself?" said her asshole boyfriend.

"Is it difficult for you to see situations or individuals realistically?" said her therapist.

"You need to respect other peoples’ boundaries," said her mother.

 

"Then I’ll do it myself," said the Little Red Hen. And she did.

 

Soon the wheat grew to be tall and yellow.

 

"The wheat is ripe," said the Little Red Hen. "Who will help me cut the wheat?"

 

"Only if we’re going to smoke it," said her asshole boyfriend.

"You must learn to do these things for yourself," said her therapist.

"Put on a sweater if you’re going to be outside for long," said her mother.

 

"Then I’ll do it myself," said the Little Red Hen. And she did.

 

When the wheat was cut, the Little Red Hen said, "Who will help me thresh the wheat?"

 

"Why don’t you come over here and thresh my wheat," said her asshole boyfriend.

"Your parents were never married, were they?" said her therapist.

"Tell your therapist to shut his overpaid, overeducated mouth," said her mother.

 

"Then I’ll do it myself," said the Little Red Hen. And she did.

 

When the wheat was threshed, the Little Red Hen said, "Who will help me take this wheat to the mill?"

 

"Pick me up a six-pack while you’re out," said her asshole boyfriend.

"Did you MapQuest the directions?" said her mother. “Don’t forget the GPS.”

"Are you afraid of allowing other people to be who they are or of allowing events to happen naturally?" said her therapist.

 

"Then I’ll do it myself," said the Little Red Hen. And she did.

 

She took the wheat to the mill and had it ground into flour. Then she said, "Who will help me make this flour into bread?"

 

"Yeah, be out in just a minute hon," said her asshole boyfriend.

"Ohhh!" said her mother.

"You know you’re mother’s sleeping with your boyfriend while you’re out," said her therapist.

 

"Then I’ll do it myself," said the Little Red Hen. And she did.

 

She made and baked the bread. Then she said, "Who will help me eat this bread?"

 

"Oh! I will," said her asshole boyfriend.

"And I will," said her therapist.

"And I will," said her mother.

 

"You can all go screw yourselves!" said the Little Red Hen. "I’m outta here."  And she left, taking her bread with her.