So here it is Father’s Day, and the Big Ugly Man Doll is moving into these new digs. We hope you like it. So stick around, and you’ll find out why I’m a Big Ugly Man Doll. Longtime followers may notice the occasional classic entry from the old site posted during slow weeks, when the funny just isn’t flowing. For the most part, this is the new and improved site for all your BUMD needs! In the meantime, on this occasion of Father’s Day, I thought I’d share some thoughts about being a Dad.
Parenthood is the ultimate pass/fail exam: You don’t find out if you did it right until it’s mostly over, by which time it’s usually way too late to correct any of your mistakes. I check in with my children now, though, even though I know I’m early:
“Hey, um, kid – are you having a good childhood?”
You really don’t ever know what the hell you’re supposed to be doing, there’s no books, and the homework is a bitch. OK, that’s not really true about the books. There are millions of books about parenting: parenting kids, parenting parents, parenting pets, you name it. The trouble is they’re all written by people like you and me, who don’t have any better idea than we do – they just have better publicity. I talked to an old friend of mine who’d written a book about parenting, and I asked him about it. “Dude,” he said, “You didn’t buy that, did you? I made all that stuff up! I thought I got the word out…”
You should see his kids, too – his daughter has declared her life’s purpose to study alternative magical energy fields in French Guiana, and his son was just voted most likely to be paroled early for good behavior. He didn’t know what he was doing – but his publicist did!
So this morning, when my 42-yr-old daughter (who’s turning 11 in October) got me a book about Tequila and explained that she had “told Mommy that we couldn’t get you a book about it without getting you a bottle of it also,” I had to reflect on the implications of that sentiment coming from a not-yet-11-yr-old.
I think we’re averaging a passing grade. It’s good Tequila!