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January 31st, 2010

Kid’s Toys We WISH They Made

Originally published at Big Ugly Man Doll. Please leave any comments there.

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New from the Lego Bionicle Line – Toa Mata Hari!
One of the rare female Bionicles, she’s had most of the others, and they’re all in love with her. You can play with her as she plays the guys off against one another! Isn’t she FABULOUS!
American Girl Doll – Sybil!
With completely different outfits for Vicky, Peggy Lou, Mary Lucinda, Marcia Lynn, Vanessa Gail, Mike, Nancy Lou Ann, Ruthie, Clara, Helen, Marjorie, and The Blonde. They’d make a ton of money on this one, and it’s the LAST doll you have to buy!

Wii Screw!
Put the kids to bed and enjoy the safest sex you’ll EVER have. Remember the plastic sheath you’re supposed to put over the remote? Right. Think Sin City SIMS and you’re close.
[Picture removed in the interest of taste and decency.]
Merrily We Pull Along Duck and Egg Scrambler!
Little Johnny can finally help in the kitchen – just put a fresh egg on the duck’s wheels and let him “walk” it for an hour. When the music stops, the egg is ready for cooking – if you haven’t started drinking by then.
Build a Bear.
No, yeah, a real goddamn bear. Run!
Shots and Ladders!
Get drunk and naked with this new twist on the classic board game. Penalty Shot!
Pre-School Musical!
Step into the past with Troysie, Gabby, and the gang as they cry, whine, repeat themselves over and over, and pull each other’s hair… Oh, wait, that’s the real one. Never mind.

Yep, looks like another post from the Big, Ugly Man Doll!