June 8th, 2010


Take My Advice – Please!

Originally published at Big Ugly Man Doll. Please leave any comments there.

So every once in a while I get up off the couch of parenthood, leave the house, and take a walk around the block. I figure if both my lawyer and my cardiologist are giving me the same advice, I should probably pay attention.

Have you ever noticed the unholy amount of noise birds make when you’re outside in the springtime? Mind you, birdsong may be the most beautiful way in the world to shout, “Hey baby, I’ve got a really big tonker!” The incessant cacophony of come-hither come ons, however, does sometimes make me want to come out for a second walk, this time with a shotgun, and see about dinner. No wonder cats eat birds – I bet they’re not hunting for dinner, they just want a moments’ peace for their naps.

And don’t start with me about walking at night. The frogs are yelling the same thing, but without the cute warbles and trills.

I should probably just go back to reviewing porn, where they’ve at least learned that no one cares if there’s a sound track, or even sound. In fact, you could probably run a porn movie and overlay a soundtrack of bird and frog mating calls, and it would make just as much sense. Hmmmm….