November 26th, 2010

Pumpkinhead

ManFAQ Friday: What’s in a Name?

Originally published at Big Ugly Man Doll. Please leave any comments there.

It’s Friday, and that means answer time! For those of you who have commented with questions from previous ManFAQs, thank you. I’m adding yours to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years, and I will answer them all in turn – to continue to demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler.  Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong?


Question:   Why do most men name their private parts?</p>

Answer:    Actually, there are several reasons for this.  Since the twig and berries are very often the first toy we didn’t break or lose in a few weeks, we become inordinately fond of them, and name them in much the same way you would name a favorite doll.  Like your doll, our toy becomes an extension (pardon me) of ourselves, and so becomes our alter ego.  In extreme cases, we become the alter ego, and the main ego moves a little lower.   And by “extreme” I mean “most of us.”

In those cases, we name them because we don’t want complete strangers making most of our important decisions for us. 

Another reason we name them is preemptive.  If it doesn’t come with a name (pardon me), you’re likely to give it one – after all, once you’ve been introduced to the guy making the decisions, who wouldn’t want to be on a first-name basis?  And so we’d rather ensure it’s a name we can live with, such as Mr. Happy, One-Eyed Jake, Vesuvius, or Big Richard – than worry that he’ll wind up saddled with a more diminutive moniker, like Junior, ‘Lil Buddy, Borat, or Big Softie.  

I wonder what Peter O’Toole calls his?


Now you know. Please, feel free to comment with any questions you’d like answered!