It’s Friday, and that means answer time! For those of you who have commented with questions from previous ManFAQs, thank you. I’m adding yours to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years, and I will answer them all in turn – to continue to demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler. Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong?
Question: I know you’re so mightily important that you need a device that provides 24×7 connectivity, but do you have some kind of sixth sense for turning your phones off when I need to reach you?
Answer: No, we don’t have a sixth sense for that. We have a seventh sense for that. Our sixth sense is completely dedicated to Hey Hey and the pursuit thereof. The sixth sense is the one that comes up with plausible excuses for not taking your calls: “I’m sorry, it wasn’t charged last night – I think the charger’s dead.” “You called? I must have been in a bad cell – unless you called while I was in the Top Secret facility; the phones don’t work in there.” “I forgot to take it off silent after I finished my meeting with the President.” These are designed to make you less mad and more likely to consider further Hey Hey – the sixth sense is the one that nudges us with the one most likely to work.
The seventh sense is the one that tells him you’re not calling to coordinate Hey Hey or beer, you’re calling to see if he can turn around and pick up the kid’s clothes and bring them to school, or to remind him to pick up your mother at the airport, or clean the catbox, or pick up some tofu on the way home. Those calls. We really don’t receive them, because we really did leave the charger plugged into the outlet that’s on the wall switch, and we can’t remember to flip the switch if we want it charge. Also, he probably couldn’t have heard you anyway - it’s his favorite song they’re gonna play. He’s kinda busy.
Now you know. Please, feel free to comment! Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at – biguglymandoll.com!