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July 3rd, 2011

I think we have a situation here

Originally published at Big Ugly Man Doll. Please leave any comments there.

The very clever Uncle has a beach house on the Jersey Shore, on what we shall call a lagoon adjacent to the bay, which is of course adjacent to the ocean.  This makes for salty water to swim in, which of course reminds my kids of a margarita.  There’s a lesson in there somewhere, for someone, but I’m not going to pursue it right now.

Across the lagoon from the house on the Jersey Shore is – just like living on an often-flooded street – another block of houses.  Sitting on the back porch, we watch the gulls fish, the kids flail, the sun set, and the other houses with their back porches facing us.  In particular on this fine occasion, the people on the other side of this watery street are an odd sort of family, which includes two guys, an obvious “mom,” and a girlfriend.  The first guy was named as soon as he walked out on his deck and removed his shirt – The Situation has arrived.  He’s very obviously dating Princess Roots.  He has those abs that speak of long hours in a gym combined with a daily fat intake of less that 20 grams.  She weighs 95 pounds, most of it roots.  By 8am, she’s wearing a black hooker-chic dress and high heels.  We know they’re dating because she walks 3 feet behind him, regardless of where he is or what he’s doing. 

OK, they might just be filming for the weekend at an empty beach house.  They *do* look some folks I’ve seen in some recent movies, and I’m sure the Situation could pick her up and turn her upside down if the “mom” producer asked him to.  I can almost hear Princess Roots: “It’s not a snuff film, is it? You said it wasn’t a snuff film, right? It’s not, is it?”

“Donworry abou’ it.”

Right.  I think the younger situation is just there as a body double while they’re waiting for wood.  Also, she’s willing to stand in front of him, as opposed to her male lead – three feet behind, regardless of what he’s doing.

They went out in the paddleboat a few minutes ago; when they came back in, I’m pretty sure I heard “mom” yelling something that sounded suspiciously like “roll camera two!”

Ah, life.  Ain’t it a beach.



Yep, looks like another post from the Big, Ugly Man Doll!