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December 5th, 2011

Advent of Holiday Horror: Song 21

Originally published at Big Ugly Man Doll. You can comment here or there.

A little girl was sitting on the curb in front of her house with a sad look on her face. An older lady happened upon her and asked her why she looked so sad. The girl replied, “My kitty cat died.”

The older woman, trying to be helpful, said to the little girl, “I know you’re sad, but right now your kitty cat is with Jesus.”

The girl crinkled her nose for a second and replied, “What would Jesus want with a dead cat?”

But this isn’t about that.  This is an advent countdown of Christmas and other miscellaneous holiday songs that make me barf a bit, the ones you know you’re supposed to love, but really you’d rather run hot wax in your ears than sit through them on the radio again – you know the kind I mean.  Today’s exercise in holiday tune torture came to us first from Angela Lansbury in the 1966 production of Mame and since then we’ve heard it a thousand thousand times, from everyone from Lucille Ball, Johnny Mathis, and Dinah Shore to Kathie Lee Gifford, Lee Greenwood, and the cast of Glee.  Hell, the Muppets have done this one.  They’ve all Needed a Little Christmas, right this very minute.  Right now.  Right. Freakin’. Now.  Hurry!

“Candles in the window, Carols at the spinet.”
“She is, is she?  What’s she doing there?”
“What?”
“Why is Carol at the spinet?  What the hell’s a spinet, anyway?  I thought a spinet was one of those really thin girls you can hire in Las Vegas…”

Haul out the holly?  Slice up the fruitcake?  Kill me now.  Are you in such a rush to get to the end of the year that you don’t want to savor every day of it?  Hmmm, OK, maybe they’re right; get it over with.  Still, I’ve heard this one about six thousand times too often. 

Go ahead.  You were bored anyway, and you’re not going to hear this for at least another 6.5 minutes if you’ve got the radio on in December.   I’ll be over here, figuring out what to do with this dead cat that no one seems to want.

 



Yep, looks like another post from the Big, Ugly Man Doll!