In honor of Pearl Harbor day, we will begin with one of my favorite jokes about intolerance. After all, intolerant people are about the only ones left that we’re allowed to make fun of!
A Jewish guy and a Korean guy were sitting at the bar, and the Jewish guy kept looking over and getting angrier and angrier. All of a sudden he turned, got up and hit the Korean in the face, knocking him off his stool.
Stunned, the Korean guy gets up and says, “What the hell was that for?”
The Jewish guy replies, “That was for Pearl Harbor.”
The Korean guys says, “Pearl Harbor was the Japanese, you idiot! I’m Korean!”
The Jewish guy says, “Japanese, Chinese, Korean, you’re all the same.”
The Korean guy says “Fine!” and sits on his stool and continues drinking. He keeps looking over at the Jewish guy, getting angrier and angrier. About a half hour later the Korean guy walked over and punched the Jewish guy right in the head, knocking him off his stool.
The Jewish guy gets up and says, “What the hell was that for?”
The Korean guy says “That was for the Titanic.”
The Jewish guy replies, “What? The Titanic was sunk by an iceberg!”
The Korean guy says, “Iceberg, Steinberg, Goldberg, you’re all the same…”
And that’s the kind of thinking that leads to wars, and as John and Yoko told us the other day, that’s bad. It’s never OK to be intolerant. I know there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings and I HATE PEOPLE LIKE THAT.
I should say, it’s never OK to be intolerant of other people. Being intolerant of Christmas songs, in particular some of those by the Beach Boys, is just fine. “Hope he doesn’t pull on Santa’s beard?” Now, things may be different up there at the Pole, but where I’m from talking about “Santa’s beard” has a whoooole different meaning. (And yes, I got the words to the song from Metro Lyrics. Shut up.) So, Santa’s favorite song during the off season really is “When I think about you, I touch my elf.” Marv.
So now we know, first, there’s a distraught not-quite-6-year-old who still thinks the fat guy in red’s got nothing to do but hang out in the mall; second, his older brother’s an idiot; and third, the Beach Boys didn’t know bo-diddly about wintertime. I think the closest most of them got to snow on a regular basis in Southern California was cocaine, and that didn’t really pick up until the ’80s.
So please, love each other. Love this song if you can. Love it for me, because I have lost faith with the Beach Boys and the Mall Santas and the Christmas Album and the Man With All the Toys. Now that we know Ms. Claus is Santa’s beard, can we assume that “Little” St. Nick is the man with all the sex toys? Oh, snap!
And love, if you can, this video of some idiots with “Santa’s Beard” in the background.