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December 21st, 2011

Advent of Holiday Horror: Song 5

Originally published at Big Ugly Man Doll. You can comment here or there.

OK, we’re into the top five.  The bottom five.  The worst five.  Before we proceed, let’s review the horrors that have gone before:

  • Merry Christmas Darling, Karen Carpenter
  • Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo, South Park
  • Santa Baby
  • Holly Jolly Christmas, Burl Ives
  • I’m Gettin’ Nuttin’ for Christmas
  • All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth
  • 12 Days of Christmas
  • Last Christmas, Wham!
  • It’s the Holiday Season, Williams Bros
  • Dominick the Donkey
  • Jingle Bells, Barking Dogs
  • Feed the World, Band Aid
  • It’s a Marshmallow World, Dean Martin
  • Santa’s Beard, Beach Boys
  • Our Love is Like a Holiday, Michael Bolton
  • We Need a Little Christmas
  • Happy Christmas / War is Over, John and Yoko
  • Mistletoe, Justin Bieber
  • Christmas Song, Alvin and the Chipmunks
  • Baby It’s Cold Outside (the Date Rape Song)

Now, there are five songs left in this advent countdown that will join this pantheon of meh, this recitation of inglorious,  tautological, pathological repetition, holiday after holiday after holiday.   (I’m nodding off just typing this, that’s how boring some of these are.)

In the list above, some of the artists are noted since the songs are closely associated with them, and some have no artists listed because the songs have been covered by every Tom, Dick, and Hairy Muppet that’s tried to horn in on a little X-mas action.  Today’s song, truly doesn’t suck intrinsically.  It required a cover to suck.  And suck it does, unless you’re a girl between the ages of 7 and 12. 

Yep.  We weren’t done with the Bieb.

Someday at Christmas is a fine song.  A song of hope.  A song about a world where men are free.  Call me crazy, but after hearing Stevie Wonder put his heart and soul into “all men are equal and no men have fears,” Justin Bieber’s version seems to lack gravitas, to lack a certain depth.   I can’t quite place why.

Oh wait, yes I can – he’s a rich white kid who’s clearly decided not to cut his hair until his balls drop. 

So go on, make sure it’s as bad as I say.  Am I wrong about this?  Let me know. 

Yep, looks like another post from the Big, Ugly Man Doll!

A Very Happy Solstice to You All

Originally published at Big Ugly Man Doll. You can comment here or there.

If I’ve got the time settings correct on this blasted server, this note should post itself precisely on the instant of the Winter Solstice, adjusting for the drift between UTC, EST, and whatever timezone the server’s in, plus the fact that I’m (hopefully) sleeping right through it. 

Call it Brumalia, Christmas, Maidyarem, Dongzhì, Hanukkah, Inti Raymi, Meán Geimhridh, Modraniht, Shab-e Chelleh, Sewy Yelda, Soyalangwul, Yule, or Ziemassvetki – The Solstice has been many things to many people for many, many years.  Tonight is the longest night of the year; tomorrow will bring a victory of light over darkness and the rebirth of the sun. Mithra will be born again at the end of this night, the crops will grow, Father Christmas will ride his yule goat, and Beiwe and her daughter will ride again to herald back the greenery on which the reindeer feed.  We will cover our doorposts with butter, sprinkle our faces with the blood of goats, eat ourselves silly, dance the Horo, and generally get roaring drunk.   

We’ve been celebrating this moment, this day, this cusp of change of seasons, for something close to 6000 years.  Enjoy it!  In many ways, tomorrow is the start of the new year.  May it bring you happiness and luck!

Blessed be!

Yep, looks like another post from the Big, Ugly Man Doll!