Here we are, another Friday, and we’re still on the throne, waiting for that magic to happen – oh, wait, here it comes – it’s answer time at the ManFAQ. Once again I don my manly mantle as Sage of the Sexes, helping demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler, as we add to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years. Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man.
What could go wrong?
Question: What is it about the words “Dinner’s ready” that stimulate the male elimination system? After extensive testing, I’ve discovered that “Dinner will be ready in 5 minutes” or “Dinner will be ready in a few minutes if you want to wash your hands now” or similar statements have no effect whatsoever. But “Dinner’s ready” precipitates an immediate dash to the bathroom and a good 5 – 10 minute delay before any male (not just Hubby – as I said, I’ve tested this extensively) arrives to sit down to the now-lukewarm meal.
Answer: There are a couple of things at play here. First, he doesn’t know how long he’ll be sitting at the table, and he doesn’t want to get up. This is actually a throwback to the days where you *never* got up before your host; it was a sign of disrespect, and of weakness. If it’s just the two of you, he wants to make sure he doesn’t have to get up for anything, so as to prove to you what a manly man he is. If there are other men around, this goes double. After all, he thinks, “If she thinks I have a very large bladder…” Well, you get the idea. The fact that you’re waiting on him to start eating while he empties that tiny tank doesn’t actually occur to him.
If it’s just the two of you, there’s also a very good chance that he’s “cleaning up” a little. You never know when that chicken flambé might get out of control, and a cute young couple could find themselves in Hey Hey Delecto amid the dishes. I know you find it hard to believe, but we really do think like that. He wants to be ready for anything to happen – anything at all!
After all, he was probably a boy scout once.
Now you know. Please, feel free to comment! Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at – biguglymandoll.com! As always, your anonymity is guaranteed!