Here we are, another Friday, and it’s answer time at the ManFAQ. Once again I don my manly mantle as Sage of the Sexes, helping demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler, as we add to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years. Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man.
What could go wrong?
Question: Why do you all go crazy for these asteroids? What’s the big deal?
Answer: Now look, just because NASA says that some rock the size of a football field isn’t going to hit the damn planet doesn’t mean we’re out of the woods, cosmically speaking. Remember, these are the same yahoos who slammed a multi-million dollar piece of gear into Mars because they couldn’t remember to convert between metric and standard units. This one seems to have missed us, sure, but the next one should have our complete attention as well. If you think it’s not a big deal, talk to those folks in Russia who thought there was a nuke over their towns this afternoon. (It’s somewhere between ironic and frightening that they all seemed pretty used to that idea, and no one panicked too badly.)
But it *could* have hit us, and you need to understand that most of us guys live in a constant cloud of exciting “what if” scenarios. What if it hit the earth? What if it hit the moon, and it knocked the moon out of orbit and closer to the earth and caused huge Tsunamis all over the world? What if I came home and she was naked? What if I came home and she was Kate Upton, and she was naked? There are always “what ifs” to worry about.
So we have, at the most dramatic, huge city-leveling explosions that could wipe out humanity (with the obvious exception of Keith Richards), and at a minimum we have what AC/DC could only describe as bouncing big balls, hurling themselves around up there at speeds we can only dream of. It’s like watching god go bowling for satellites after knocking back a few divine pints, right? What if He threw a cosmic spare? What if the Russians were using the asteroid to divert attention from their new air-burst nuclear testing program? What if she really is naked when I come home?
These are exciting times! What’s not to love?
Now you know. Please, feel free to comment! Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at – biguglymandoll.com! As always, your anonymity is guaranteed!