Here we are, another Friday, and it’s answer time at the ManFAQ. Once again I don my manly mantle as Sage of the Sexes, helping demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler, as we add to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years. Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man.
What could go wrong?
Question: What’s the deal with the low pants?
Answer: Well, and you have to understand that since I am, relatively speaking, not merely a Big and Ugly but also an Old Man Doll, I am not afflicted with this particular syndrome myself, but I can safely conjecture about the deal, as you say, with the low pants, because I am a Real Man, and despite the fact that I tend to wear my pants hiked up around my navel, I understand these things.
Started well, that sentence. It got away from me. Sorry about that. Anyway, some guys wear their pants low because they want to you notice their rock hard washboard waists and abs, and then, with your eyes already drawn down, hope that you will become contemplative of what else they might have to offer in the rock hard department. This has never been observed to actually work in practice, but it doesn’t stop them from thinking like that.
Some guys wear the low-riding pants as a daredevil move, tempting fate to pants them in public. Others have simply lost a good amount of weight recently, and haven’t gotten around to buying new pants yet.
Mostly, though, low pants are a mark of low IQ, and as such natural selection tends to correct for this over time. For instance, when being chased by something hungry and with more teeth than himself, most guys will run away. The guy in the baggies with his belt around his knees is at an immediate and obvious disadvantage there. This is also true in the procreation department, since most women will look at two otherwise identical specimens and choose the guy who looks like he’s actually dressed. Most of the time, anyway.
Now you know. Please, feel free to comment! Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at – biguglymandoll.com! As always, your anonymity is guaranteed!